


it will always be just like this

by rosecolouredjosh



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, a bit nostalgic, giving the people what they want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecolouredjosh/pseuds/rosecolouredjosh
Summary: post 'giving the people what they want' video where Dan and Phil get kinda emotional and nostalgic while cuddling in bed.





	it will always be just like this

**Phil’s POV**

It was close to 2am when Dan and I decided to go to bed. As we had rehearsals to do at 9am, you could say that we were a bit irresponsible. I mean, we did tried to get in earlier but the excitement that came along with Dan's new video was too much. We finally told the internet what this tour was going to be.. or part of it, at least. The reaction that we were given was even more heart whelming than what we expected and we both couldn't be happier about it, so to celebrate the official start of the tour we stayed up a little bit more just to drown in that feeling of ‘oh my god it’s happening!’

As we were changing to bed, I realised how clingy Dan had become since we sat down to read the comments on the video. The way he looked at me everytime he would read a comment about how more comfortable we were to be close and touchy when the camera is recording, how he would come closer to me all the time until he was with his legs on my lap and his head on my shoulder and even now as he waits for me in bed I can feel his eyes on my back and when I turn around, I can't help but feel kinda dizzy by the way his eyes are looking fondly at me and the way his lips are curved in a small smile. This is too much. 

“What?” I ask and try to hide my blush by getting under the bedsheets and moving to the centre of the bed. 

Dan laughs softly whilst scooting closer to me and in 2 seconds we manage to get our legs all tangled up and his head rests just below mine. 

“You're cute, Lester.” My heart skips a beat even though I know he's just saying it to distract me, Dan's compliments always finds a way to affect me. 

“Ha-ha. No, seriously Dan, you've been given me these looks and smiles since you published the video.. why?” I ask again softly and Dan's answer comes a little slower this time. 

“I’m just.. happy, I guess.” He puts his arm around me and my smile comes the second he says that, I nuzzle his hair to hide it. 

“I'm glad.” 

There's a beat and then Dan is squeezing me like I'm going to vanish into thin air if he doesn't. I laugh softly and put my hand on his back. 

“Dan be careful, if you squeeze me more I think I'm going to explode.” He laughs too and his arms get a bit looser around my waist. 

“Sorry, I just..” he hesitates. 

“You just what?” 

He breathes deeply and nuzzles my bare chest. “Please don't laugh.” 

My answer is immediate. “I would never.” He smiles a little and says in a voice so soft and quiet that if I wasn't pressed flushed against him, I wouldn't hear.

“There’s is times where I feel like I love you so much that I feel the need, the urge, to get closer to you, to exist in the same space as you.” He stops and seems to think for a second before continuing. “This is going to sound weird but, sometimes I wish I could squeeze us both into dust so we could finally feel entirely complete because every little piece of us would be mixed together.” 

I go completely silent at that but my heart is doing the completely opposite. I can feel Dan starting to panic slightly and trying to find ways to backtrack. 

“I-I mean forget that, I just.. uh, it's just.. nevermind. That was stupid, and I understand if you don't get it 'cause it's stu-” 

“Dan.” I interrupt him and he goes silent. “It's not stupid.” I say quietly. “You are literally with your head glued to my chest, love.” I let a soft laugh erupt. “You can feel it and maybe even hear it. I definitely understand you.” And I really did. 

I could see where this was coming from, that video was just heart whelming for us both as it was for our fans. Of course we hid it even from each other cause it was a little hard to wrap our minds around and comprehend this warm feeling that filming that video has brought us. Visiting Manchester was by far what affected us the most, even though we went there just for our friends wedding, spending those 30 minutes walking around Manchester with Dan and revisiting places we used to go all the time so we could record some pieces for the video, was more than enough time for nostalgia to hit us. 

Dan didn't said anything so I decided to continue. “Did you know that my heart does that every time I look at you?” And at this, Dan laughed. 

“Liar.” 

I laughed too, not because I was lying but just because his laugh is too contagious. 

“I'm not lying, I'm really serious. Everytime I look at you doing whatever the frick you doing, my heart just skips a beat. When you’re browsing in the internet with your face 2 inches apart from the screen, when you're eating something really carelessly and there are crumbles all over your face, when you smile so big that both of your dimples appear.. I don't know, love. I think my heart is addicted to you and your pretty little face.” 

Dan gets quiet again but I can feel his hands squeezing my sides gently. 

“I’ve felt this way since that day we've talked on skype for the first time.” I say softly as my fingers finds it's way up to his head and I start to brush his hair with my hand. “When we were just talking nonsense to each other for 4 and 5 hours calls. And when we were meeting at the train station, when we were filming our first video together, when you told me you got into college, when you showed up at my apartment to wash your clothes and left some behind because we got distracted with our hands and lips and you forgot them, when you agreed to move in with me, when you dropped out of college and asked me to cuddle with you, when we moved to another apartment together.. even when I thought you hated me, Dan. I still loved you and my heart kept doing that flippy over thing.” I pause to breathe deeply into his hair and we both stay quiet for a minute while Dan's hands keeps squeezing my sides and my hands caress his arms softly. 

“I think it never changed. And it probably never will.” There's a second of silence and then I say: “Actually.. I think it did changed, a bit at least.” 

“Yeah?” Dan's voice is kinda muffled since he's still glued to my chest. 

“Yeah, but not in a bad way though.” I can't help but smile as I continue. “Definitely not in a bad way. Watching you grow inside and outside of Youtube has been a hell of a ride but it definitely made me fall even more in love with you. Sometimes I can't believe we actually made a book and went on tour together, but I think it was a big turning point for us.. even more for you.” No doubt it was a turning point for Dan, he started to take pills for his depression mid 2015. And even through all the confusion and all the changes, both physically and emotionally, that it brought we were able to give our best. 

“And I'm so proud of you, Dan.” I feel my eyes welling a bit. “You've come so far since those college days and I can't help but feel proud and even more, to feel lucky to be to one who's being through it all with you. Lucky b-because..” My voice quivers a little so I stop and recompose myself. “Because you've also helped me, Dan. I know I haven't been through even half of the things you have but you've helped me to become me, to be myself and to love myself. I am so sure that I wouldn't be even close to what I'm now if I haven't met you.” 

I can feel wet hot tears on my chest and I resist every urge to stop and shush and kiss and cuddle Dan, because I need to say these things, he deserves this. 

“Sure, I was the weird guy with emo hair from youtube but I used to hold back a lot and because of you I found myself more keen to also be open to my audience, to be more, to be more.. Phil, I guess. And I love you so much and I'm so grateful for everything you've done for and to me.” I keep rubbing his back and nuzzling his hair while I try to ignore the tears on my face. 

After a moment I say: “I can't believe we're going to talk about mental health and then electrocute each other in the same stage.” This causes a wet and sweet laugh erupts from us both. And then.. quiet. 

I sense Dan calming minute by minute and when I start to feel my brain going fuzzy with sleep, he says: 

"I love you more than words can express, Phil Lester. And I know that I’ll always will.” I feel him moving a little and then, his lips are on mine. 

Warm. 

Soft. 

Gentle. 

Dan. 

Moments later he pulls back, smiles at me with those pretty little brown eyes that never fail to make me feel loved and lowers himself back to the middle of my chest and I hear Dan's soft laugh. 

“Calm that heart of yours down, it was just a peck. Goodnight, Lester.” I smile and kiss the top of his head. 

“Goodnight, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time publishing on ao3 and boy am i scare
> 
> please tell me if there is any mistakes, i literally wrote this at 5:30 am because i couldnt sleep thinking of that darn video and english is not my first language so yeah. ok, thx bye <3


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